The dog ate it, wait, no that was Carmen

September 29,2009
At 1pm my daughter Carmen called me into her room where she was supposed to be napping. She told me that her necklace was giving her throat “owwies”. I looked for marks that she had it on too tightly but couldnt find anything. I asked her where her necklace was right now and she pointed to her throat. I quickly looked over her bedroom to find said necklace without any luck. She had indeed eaten the necklace.
Now this was at least 18 inches long and held 40-50 beads on it. The thread was a thick woven style designed for making the ever fashionable friendship bracelets. The beads were the cheap plastic kind found in any kids grab bag of beads. This interesting appetizer started out as a prize Carmen had earned on day. She and I had sat down and created it together.
As we return to the story I was calling Jim, the clinic, and finally making the desicion to head to the local ER. A german ER. Carmen was chipper and excited to go for a car ride, daddy included. I had called and asked if he could come with.
So the first doctor we see says essentially if it was a smaller item or metalic they would just let it pass, but since it was a lengthy piece we were to go out to Nuremberg and see what they could do out there. The run down was, they would take an x-ray and see if could see the plastic and or knock her out and go in with a light scope down her throat and pull it out. Now that is only possible if she hadn’t digested it.
The trip out was an intense one. Jim and I were tense and flaberghasted at our situation. Carmen and Rosemary played, laughed, and sang the 45 minutes it took to get to Nuremberg Hallerwiesse Hospital.
Fast forward, they take an x-ray which of course shows nothing. It was a slim chance but one still worth taking. They admit us and let us know it will be hours before there is an opening and we will be spending the night. Yippee. Now keep in mind most of these doctors dont speak good english or any at all. So explaining Carmens whole medical history, including the current situation was rather sticky at times. All of this ended up being communicated through guesses in languages and an incredibly large amount of sign language.
Jim leaves with Rose to head home and Carmen and I settle in or a long wait. Sooner than expected they call us, and downstairs we go. Carmen enjoyed the “bed ride” and was even cool about them putting numbing gel onto her hands. That would be the extent of Cool Carmens interaction for the next 24 hours.
I sat there praying for a safe procedure, a quick one and for this nightmare to be over. But a certain prayer crept into my thoughts, if this is the last time I get to see her on this earth, I pray that she would know that I love her with all my heart, and I did only what I thought was best for her.
They gave her a drinkable medicine to help her fall asleep. It didnt do much, she was on full alert the whole time. When she wouldnt let anyone put a hair cap on her they brought in a syringe, handed it to me and told me to squirt half up each nostrile. I was shocked, I had never done more than hold and help calm her. But I tried and she totally flew off the handle. I tried again and again, finally after a few moments I managed to get most of it up there. She freaked to a new level involving 4 adults and myself to keep her on the table.
I hugged her tight, talked to her and watched as they unsuccessfully poked her hand twice and then went to her thigh for another try to get an iv going. I was started to protest but she lifted us all in her own protest and they backed off deciding waiting for the medicine to take full affect would be best. (duh)
For the next 4 minutes she sat cradled in my arms crying to go home, and for me to save her. All I could do is tell her I was there and that it was going to be alright. As she was slipping under I got first hand account of what it must be like for the parents of Autistic children, a truly blank stare, I knew she wasnt focusing on me, she kept calling for me but looking right at me. She only recognised my voice. What a horrible moment. She moaned and cried for me for a few last time, even mouthed it and then she was asleep. I untangled myself and gave her to God and to the sea of doctors in green before me.
They repeated a montra I have heard manytimes since having a kid. “its worse than it seams, she wont remember any of this, its gonna be alright” At that moment in space and time there are not reassurances of anything, only my belief that God was watching over my little girl, whether we be in the USA’s or in Germany.
I let a few tears escape as I headed back upstairs to wait it out. A frazzled American crying wandering the halls of a German hospital is not a pretty sight. I’ve been there, last month actually, done that.
So once in my room I took my phone and headed to the balcony. We were sharing a room with an older teenager and she was sleeping.
I called Jim, filled him in and made a few requests. Please put the chicken I was thawing back in the fridge. Call my mom and let her know what is up and call our Tricare liason to coordinate for the next day. (Ironically we were scheduled to be at this particular hospital the next day for a routine EEG for Carmen and they needed to know that we were already there.) He did, and asked me how things were progressing. I informed him that she was in surgery, it was horrible but I couldnt expand more on that for the time being. I needed to keep what threads I had left tightly wound for Carmens sake. I couldnt fall apart just yet.
I sat down and started writing (as my form of therapy) and waited. It was an hour later that the doctor came in and told me she was OK. He kept going on about what the procedure was like and all I wanted to hear was that she was alive and well. She was (deep breath), unfortunately the necklace had already passed into her bowels/intestines and they were unable to retreave it. I asked about twisting up her insides and he said it wasnt likely because the part they worry about the most is at the opening of the stomach to the bowels, if it makes it past there then we are in the clear, so to speak. She should eat alot of fiber and fruit and I get to go on poop patrol. Fun times. She was still sleeping and would wake up downstairs in an hour or two. I immediately asked to go and see her, he agreed and down I went.
Finally seeing her was a huge relief. Like I couldnt believe anyone, I had to see her with my own eyes that she was alright and breathing. She was out, drooling on the bed. She was hooked up to various machines with her hair plastered to her face but a more beautiful cherub ever? Nope, plain and simple the best site in the world. With my last concerns and questions taken care of by the unlucky nurses passing by our room, all is well for the moment.
There I sat, two stories under the earth listening to my little hellian snoring lightly, harmonizing with the machines and closing of doors. Seven hours into this adventure and many more to go. Praise God, my little one is safe and with me. ~Sept. 29, 2009 at 8pm

Sept. 30, 2009 at 12:30pm
A peaceful evening is all one can ask for, whether that wish will be granted or not is hugely dependant on people known of for their lack of judgement. Last night that request was far from answered.
Carmen came out of sedation around 8:30pm but wasnt coherant enought yet to be moved back to our room till about 9:30pm.
She was happy to be wheeled back up the elevator, but unimpressed that she still had to have an IV in her arm. That particular struggle would last the rest of our time in the hospital. She was crabby and awake, unfortunately for everyone around her. She wasnt coaxed back to sleep till midnight and then it was a rough sleep. She kept crying, moaning and calling for me. I spent half of the night on my cot in the corner and the other half laying beside her in comfort mode.
At 5am her internal clock turned on and we were awake. Fully awake, with all the giggles, talking and sqwirming that goes along with it.
She wanted to chat, read books and talk about everything, including a serious discussion about whether she had lost daddy or not. She wouldnt take it from me that he was home watching Rosemary, she was certain she had lost him.
As the morning progressed we found out that Carmen would go in for her EEG early, we were already there anyways. We needed to do bloodwork and an iron check. They sent a poor solitary soul to take her iron. I tried to warn her that Carmen wouldnt sit still for this, or even make it easy. She ignored me and went ahead. I ended up laying across Carmen trying to keep her from ripping out her IV in her persuit to stop the nurse from getting any blood from her. Not surprising, it was unsuccessful.
The next event was around 10am, we went for the EEG. This being her 4th one, you would think she would be cool with everything that goes into this, not so. She cried, whined and eventually ripped out half of the electrodes that were attached to her head. We finally got what we needed, but it took twice as long to get it.
Once back in our room, she gets settled down and they call us in for the blood work. Again I warn them she will fight, scream and do anything she can manage to get out of this. They bring in three nurses, really these people just dont listen, not nearly enough body weight to hold her down. I end up on her again, they didnt get a clean sample and I am sure I will have ringing in my ears for days.
In walks daddy and all is better. (I wish I had a little of that magic) they sit down for a chat, we set up a much needed movie and chill to wait for the appointment time to see the neurologist.
While we wait we are informed that they will have to take another iron sample along with a clean sample to compare it to the bloodwork to make sure everything worked out ok. I looked at Jim and told him that its time to jump in. He has never had to hold her, listen to her scream, or deal with the real terror that is on her face. From what Jim reported back, they new of her “issues” with needles and so surprised her with it before she could work herself into a lather. She still screamed after the fact, because it wouldnt be Carmen if a few ear drums werent damaged. But they got what they needed and for once I didnt have to be the bad guy.
We met up with our patient liason (translator), Helga, who I just feel in love with. She is funny, nice, understanding and fluent in both english and german... She was truly amazing, she jumped right in and even made plans to help me with the next steps in Carmens care. With her standing beside me we met the neurologist and discussed results and plans. We are going to up Carmens med twice in the next two weeks and if that doesnt get her seizure free we are going to try some new tactics. A little scary, but after what we have been through so far, its worth it to get her seizure free.
So come 2:30pm we were on our way out of the hospital heading home. Jim had to head to work, so he sped most of the way... I was too tired to put much fight into it and just gave up and closed my eyes. The girls slept most of the way, they needed it.
Well, another chapter has been written in the life and times of the Lawson Girls. Not a pretty one, or even a quiet one, but still some day it will be a funny side note. Oh, speaking of funny outcomes. Jim pulled me aside at the hospital and informed me that he had found the supposed necklace that Carmen had eaten. Yeah I know... I dont think she is a complete liar because I heard her gag right before she called me into her room and was actually on my way in there to check on her. So what does she actually have in her? Well, I am still on poop patrol so I should be able to tell you next week... not that you will want to know, not that I really want to know. kids.....

Growing a family... tree that is.

I have always wanted to paint a family tree, always meant to do it but just didnt have the right wall, or have known we would be moving soon.
But as we have a large empty wall AND will be staying in this apartment for three years, I thought it was time to finally paint my family tree.
I started searching the internet for other peoples ideas and designs but couldnt find something that really spoke to me. So I decided to draw my own. I knew I wanted it to be two trees intertwining together ( to symbolize two people coming together). I eventually decided I wanted the trees to create a heart shape, again to symbolize what the growing of the two trees together created (love, *ahhh sigh* sappy I know)

This is the original design drawing I made, along with all of my notes or thoughts on this project.

Here is the base finished tree trunks. I chose blue because I will have to paint over it eventually, and if I chose a darker color then I would be painting for days to cover it up. The trees are also different shades of blues to make them stand out, but also to symbolize different people.

Here, I have managed to put the leaves on. The leaves mimic a heart theme you can see going on here... again sappy I know. But it will make me smile when I cant have my family close to me in the years to come.

Here is the finished piece with the paper markers for the actual pictures back up in place. Just to give an idea of where things will go, and how it will look all finished. I am still working on getting pictures together and printed out.

Once I have it completely, completely finished I will add that to the list. But for now? Onto another project... Just wait to see what I come up with!!